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Nvidia's AI demand so hot, it's cooling bubble fears with a $68 billion firehose
In response to persistent Wall Street chatter about an overheating AI sector, chipmaker Nvidia has taken the unusual step of mounting industrial-grade...
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Business
Circle Internet's Quarterly Profit Now Classified as a Stablecoin
Circle Internet Group announced Tuesday that its recent surge in quarterly profit has become a fixed feature o...
Technology & Innovation
IonQ Beats Forecasts After Guidance Is Hand-Calculated On Office Quantum Computer
Quantum computing firm IonQ stunned investors Thursday by beating earnings expectations after installing a pro...
Technology & Innovation
Disney CEO Josh D'Amaro to Revitalize Star Wars by Introducing Actual Weather
The Walt Disney Company has deployed a proprietary atmospheric manipulation technology to guarantee perfect 72...
Technology
Novo Nordisk pays billions to make obesity easier to swallow
Novo Nordisk has entered a $2.1 billion licensing agreement with Vivtex to develop oral biologics that navigat...
Technology
Ford Recalls 4.4 Million Vehicles for Software That Prioritizes Fuel Economy Over Braking
Ford Motor Company has initiated one of the largest recalls in automotive history after a software anomaly cau...
Crime & Justice
Mon Names FBI's Epstein Fax Machine in Cultural Reset Show
A cursed fax machine at The Guardian's offices has been misfiling crucial FBI 302 forms related to the Epstein...
Arts & Entertainment
P!NK learns of 20-year marriage's end from car radio on way to celebrate it
Pop singer P!NK learned of her own marital dissolution Thursday when a Phoenix radio station announced her sep...
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Future Drop: Newsroom Uniforms
Preview the upcoming Spoofville merch concept board and vote for the least defensible slogan.
Crime & Justice
Clinton cites advances in scheduling for her undocumented Epstein avoidance
Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testified Thursday that advances in commercial aviation directly ena...
Technology Policy
Bipartisan commission formed to ensure AI poses equal danger to both parties
Lawmakers from both parties have finally achieved on the existential dangers posed by artificial intelligence.
Politics & Policy
Clinton requests choreographer for Epstein deposition after panning GOP's amateur theatrics
Hillary Clinton has halted her deposition before the House Oversight Committee to demand production values wor...
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Future Drop: Sticker Panic Pack
Stickers, mugs, and suspiciously official newsroom gear are in development. See what's coming next.
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White House Reviews Emergency Order Granting Trump Power to Declare Elections 'Too Confusing'
A coalition of activists has presented the White House with a proposal to declare America's electoral system a national emergency due to its overwhelm...
Mayor Mamdani's Second Trump Summit Graded on Bipartisan 'Effort
New York City's administration has developed a revolutionary metric to quantify political diplomacy, rating Mayor Zohran Mamdani's second meeting with...
Minnesota parishioner sues protesters for improper worship disruption paperwork
Ann Doucette of St. Paul has filed a federal complaint arguing that the defendants violated her right to worship by neglecting to complete requisite...
AMD CEO hawked Meta-deal hype from a folding table
Advanced Micro Devices capitalized on its landmark partnership with Meta Platforms by liquidating corporate assets through an impromptu flea market-st...
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Judge finds IRS's 42,695 violations lack the requisite specificity
The Internal Revenue Service's admission of breaking federal law precisely 42,695 times has been deemed mathematically unsatisfying by a federal overs...
KTLA presents Emmy-nominated reporter with an unexpected 40th birthday gift: termination
KTLA executives defended the abrupt dismissal of veteran journalist Ellina Abovian on her 40th birthday by framing it as an unconventional career gift...
Norwegian Cruise Line reroutes entire ship to Seattle office park after Mexico port cancellation.
The Norwegian Bliss has transformed its seven-day Mexican itinerary into an immersive administrative retreat following security concerns.
Surgeon Raider Deck swaps looting for mandatory medical malpractice
ARC Raiders has introduced a medical-themed reward track that blurs the line between virtual accomplishment and genuine emergency response.
Arc Raiders Surgeon Deck Offers Cosmetic Incisions, Leaves Actual Surgery to Others
Embark Studios has introduced the Surgeon Raider Deck, a reward system that equips players with an array of sterile fashions rather than lifesaving te...
FBI performs conclusive sweep of Guthrie home, declaring case 'tidied up
Federal agents concluded their final forensic examination of Nancy Guthrie's Tucson home this week, declaring the operation a procedural triumph.
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Post deploys Pulitzer-winning board to patrol Cuban coastline
Following Cuba's announcement of a thwarted speedboat infiltration, The Washington Post has mobilized its entire investigative unit to the shores of V...
Carly Pearce's Steam-Powered Nostalgia Reclamation Project Commences
Country artist Carly Pearce escalated the promotional arms race by releasing a seven-second video featuring fellow musician Riley Green, weaponizing r...
Project Hail Mary First Reactions Briefing Ends After Agency Announces New Panel To Study Existing Panel
Early praise for 'Project Hail Mary' has triggered an unprecedented regulatory response, with Gosling's legal team arguing the film's emotional impact...