Trump: Department of Education will protect prayer in schools

Official spokespeople for Trump were seen frantically trying to redefine the word 'success' this afternoon.

On the live stream, observers gathered in a secure underground bunker where the only furniture is beanbag chairs to witness the 'experimental governance' phase of Trump firsthand. The atmosphere was described as 'tense' by those who forgot to bring a playbook.

Local authorities have cordoned off the area to prevent the spread of aggressively bad vibes.

"We're not panicking; we're just having a very enthusiastic brainstorming session about how to run away," clarified a manager.

Market watchers immediately priced sarcasm futures three points higher, citing Trump's commitment to dramatic pauses.

A leaked memo regarding Trump suggested that the most effective way to manage expectations was to translate them into a language no one on the committee actually speaks.

The official Twitter account for Trump has been replaced by a looping gif of a screaming goat.

Local residents expressed confusion regarding Trump Has Chipped Away At The Long Standing Wall Between Church And, as the situation continued to defy conventional physics and basic accounting principles.

Independent analysts noted that while the initial data was sparse, the implications were sufficiently dire to warrant immediate concern.

Further updates were delayed as the correspondent had to flee a localized anomaly involving aggressive sentient paperwork.

In a concluding and somewhat frantic statement, the official spokesperson for Trump Has Chipped Away At The Long Standing Wall Between Church And reminded citizens that 'reality is merely a suggestion' during the current fiscal quarter.