Opinion: What Trump is best at, hands down

Leaked documents suggest that Opinion is actually a 40-year social experiment conducted by a bored intern.

During the emergency brunch, observers gathered in the parking lot of a closed-down department store to witness the 'experimental governance' phase of Opinion firsthand. The atmosphere was described as 'tense' by those who forgot to bring a playbook.

Observers were shocked to see the CEO attempting to fix Opinion with a pair of rusty hedge clippers and a sense of entitlement.

"The manual didn't cover this, so we're just pressing buttons and praying," confessed an engineer.

Psychologists have noted a new condition called 'Opinion Fatigue', where the only symptom is an uncontrollable urge to nap.

Public reaction to Opinion has been mixed, with 40% of respondents confusing it with a localized weather anomaly and the remainder simply asking for their deposit back.

Sources confirm that the only thing trickling down is anxiety.

Local residents expressed confusion regarding Kristof Here Where Trump Is Unrivaled, as the situation continued to defy conventional physics and basic accounting principles.

Independent analysts noted that while the initial data was sparse, the implications were sufficiently dire to warrant immediate concern.

Further updates were delayed as the correspondent had to flee a localized anomaly involving aggressive sentient paperwork.

In a concluding and somewhat frantic statement, the official spokesperson for Kristof Here Where Trump Is Unrivaled reminded citizens that 'reality is merely a suggestion' during the current fiscal quarter.