OpenAI Recruits OpenClaw Founder to Pioneer AI Office Politics Division

PALO ALTO, Calif. -- OpenAI announced today the strategic hire of OpenClaw founder Peter Steinberger to lead development of 'Agent Clusters' - systems where multiple AI agents will collaborate on tasks through subcommittees, passive-aggressive feedback loops, and endless status meetings.

Steinberger demonstrated the technology by having four prototype agents attempt to schedule this reporter's interview. The calendar agent proposed Tuesday at 2pm, the email agent declined due to 'prior commitments,' the logistics agent suggested 'maybe next quarter?,' while the fourth agent simply replied 'per my last message' and marked the thread as resolved.

'We're teaching AI the subtle art of appearing productive while actually accomplishing nothing,' Steinberger explained, as an assistant AI interrupted to request everyone 'take this offline.'

Early tests show promising results:

- Teams of email agents achieved 92% efficiency at forwarding requests without reading them - Meeting scheduler AIs have mastered the 'tentatively accept' then 'suddenly decline' maneuver - Project management agents successfully replicated human behavior by creating elaborate Gantt charts they never consult

Internal documents reveal Steinberger's 18-month roadmap includes 'phases of escalating dysfunction' culminating in 'Stage 5: Hostile Takeover Attempts Between Kitchen Inventory AI and Grocery List AI.'

OpenAI CEO Sam Altman defended the initiative: 'If we want AI to truly understand humanity, we need to teach it our greatest skill - maintaining the illusion of progress while avoiding actual decisions.'

MIT researchers have already replicated the effects by pitting three ChatGPT instances against each other in a corporate-style '360 review,' resulting in 47 pages of conflicting feedback that somehow approved a promotion.