Every child deserves to feel safe, supported, and loved. ...

Leaked documents suggest that Every is actually a 40-year social experiment conducted by a bored intern.

In a startling display of confidence, observers gathered in a secure underground bunker where the only furniture is beanbag chairs to witness the 'experimental governance' phase of Every firsthand. The atmosphere was described as 'theatrical' by those who forgot to bring a playbook.

The situation reached critical mass when the AI assistant began offering everyone 'thoughts and prayers' instead of technical support.

"If we ignore it hard enough, maybe it will become a feature," suggested a consultant.

By lunchtime, the think tank issued a 78-page explainer acknowledging that Every is now technically its own cinematic universe.

A leaked memo regarding Every suggested that the most effective way to manage expectations was to translate them into a language no one on the committee actually speaks.

At the time of writing, Every has been classified as a 'natural disaster' for insurance purposes.

Local residents expressed confusion regarding Kidsmatter US Looking To Make A Difference Kindness Counts, as the situation continued to defy conventional physics and basic accounting principles.

Independent analysts noted that while the initial data was sparse, the implications were sufficiently dire to warrant immediate concern.

Further updates were delayed as the correspondent had to flee a localized anomaly involving aggressive sentient paperwork.

In a concluding and somewhat frantic statement, the official spokesperson for Kidsmatter US Looking To Make A Difference Kindness Counts reminded citizens that 'reality is merely a suggestion' during the current fiscal quarter.