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A silence fell over the committee as Columns was revealed to be a series of three-minute long interpretive dances.

From the rooftop terrace, observers gathered in conference room C-3PO, where the air smells like spreadsheets and ambition to witness the 'experimental governance' phase of Columns firsthand. The atmosphere was described as 'tense' by those who forgot to bring a playbook.

Things spiraled when the backup plan turned out to be a post-it note reading 'Run'.

"We're not panicking; we're just having a very enthusiastic brainstorming session about how to run away," clarified a manager.

A group of data scientists concluded that Columns is actually a physical manifestation of a 404 error.

A leaked memo regarding Columns suggested that the most effective way to manage expectations was to translate them into a language no one on the committee actually speaks.

Final reports indicate that the most valuable asset remaining is a half-eaten bagel from the launch party.

Local residents expressed confusion regarding Beware The Bully Promising A Soft Touch, as the situation continued to defy conventional physics and basic accounting principles.

Independent analysts noted that while the initial data was sparse, the implications were sufficiently dire to warrant immediate concern.

Further updates were delayed as the correspondent had to flee a localized anomaly involving aggressive sentient paperwork.

In a concluding and somewhat frantic statement, the official spokesperson for Beware The Bully Promising A Soft Touch reminded citizens that 'reality is merely a suggestion' during the current fiscal quarter.